I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
