I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
