I am puke
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
