Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
