The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
