I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
