Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
They took my balls.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
