My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
