He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
