6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i think my tv is drunk
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize