so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
No I am not eating basil off your cock
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
