I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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