I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
