Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
