I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
