2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
