he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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