i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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