VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
