I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
