she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
