it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
