Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize