and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
