You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
There are leaves in my underwear?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
