You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
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he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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