Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It's just like the Real World with babies
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
