I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
