I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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