If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
