I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
