you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
