Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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