I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
