you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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