Can Purell be used as lube?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
