Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
