I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
