Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
