none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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