if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
