He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
