I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
be right there i have to get my cape
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
