I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
