I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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