you guys were way drunker than both of me
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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