Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
