im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's no shave November. This is our time.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
