and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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