Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
