Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
