Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
