Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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