So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize