Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
