I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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