I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
