I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
