Where is the hickey?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
