names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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