i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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