Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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